Raccoon Invasion

Every night I set out a bowl of cat food for my two cats every night. Every night we get five little visitors. When my parents found out who had eaten all the cat food, my parents started threatening that I pay for the catfood. Out of rage, the next night, I snuck out the back door with a rake in my hand. I came up behind the raccoons and beat one with a rake handle. It ran away as fast as it could. The other raccoon tried to squeeze through the railing on our porch. Apparently, it had gotten fat on the catfood and could barely fit. While it tried to squeeze through, I smacked it as hard as I could with the rake handle. Then again.
Finally, it made it through and ran towards our driveway. I followed it and hit it twice as hard as I could. Then it started limping and then rolling around on the ground twitching. It started to hiss at me. I thought it was going to turn around and come after me, so I ran inside as fast as I could.
The raccoon was crawling on it's belly towards safety. I finally concluded that I must have hit some nerve and that explained the twitching.
I was so freaked out. For a while I thought I had killed it. But the next week, I saw the same five visitors. But I decided to leave them be.

Phantom of the Snowman

Last night, my brother and I did something really funny.

We have these neighbors named Scott and Melissa who live across the street who really don't like our family. They've even told us so. Apparently, one of our cats pooped in their flowerbed so they told my parents that "When we moved here, we didn't want cats or kids next door." So since then, Neal and I have gone out of our way to do what kids do. When we go outside to play basketball or soccer, we bounce the ball extra hard and loud against the pavement. We yell really loud when we're in front of their house. Our nickname for them is "The Nazi Neighbors".
Okay, I admit that we might not be so nice to them, but they started it.

This couple has mental issues. They always have their blinds closed, lights off, and I think I've only seen them have friends over three times in the past three years. They have no social life. They complain to our Homeowner's Association anytime someone's dog escapes from it's backyard. They complain every time our cat takes a crap where they can see it. All they seem to do is whine and complain. I get a feeling that they hate and envy anybody who can have fun.

So out of our dislike for these people, Neal and I decide to build a snowman on their front lawn. We waited until about 9:00 at night, and started making a snowman. Neal added a butt-crack and two horns to its head. I went inside to get a carrot and some buttons while Neal continued to build the snowman. Then I went back outside to find Neal. He is nowhere to be found. Then I see a police car drive past. Right after I see that, Neal sprints from out of the bushes. He told me that Melissa opened the door while he was still working on the snowman. He took off running towards our house. Five minutes later, a police car drives past our house.

So I put two and two together. They called the cops on us, even though we weren't hurting anything. It's like these people are allergic to fun. Apparently, they can't take a joke. That's why Neal and I built it. We did it because we could push their buttons and they can't do anything to us.

So tonight, while Scott and Melissa left the house to go somewhere, we moved the snowman across their yard. When they get back they'll be extremely annoyed that "some punks" moved the snowman around. They'll probably call the cops on us again, but it's not like we did anything bad. We were just spreading the Christmas cheer!!!